Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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