Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
