Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
