Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
