high people should be assigned attendants
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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