you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize