Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
