there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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