i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
