1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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