We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Text me some of your sweat
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
