Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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