I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
