I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
the liver wants what the liver wants
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize