I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
