i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
