She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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