I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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