He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Let's paint friendship bongs
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
