Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
