I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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