I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
