My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
