so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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