the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
