is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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