so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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