I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
