so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize