dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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