Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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