haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
