i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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