You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
