I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
