Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Boobs are out for the taking
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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