I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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