i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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