mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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