the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
