Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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