just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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