We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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