Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
