I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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