If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
