I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
