Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
