I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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