You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
