there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
