i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
