is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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