remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
