I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
