I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
