Nicole vs. Life
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
