I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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