I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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