Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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