At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize