1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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