i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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