i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
