a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize