i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
