you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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