i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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