Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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