wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
