She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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