she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
