I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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