Need sex. Gaining weight.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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