I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Blood and glitter go together right?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
