Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
