Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
