I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
