YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
