She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
