I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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