It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
