U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
