And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize