Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You can't motorboat a personality
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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